Ben Liddle

The following will outline the basics that every guy should know when attracting the female sex. I will cover how to approach a girl, the persona to be used, and how to close the deal. I polled a number of guys on the most intimidating factors when asking a girl out and gathered some advice from a few spry young ladies about what sweeps them off their feet. Combined, I put together my own little School for Scoundrels.

Making the First Move

If you’ve ever wished the girl you like would do all the work and ask you out, chances are she won’t. 85% of the girls I polled revealed they had never asked a guy out. Most girls won’t make the first move out of fear of being too forward or depriving her would-be suitor of his ‘manly’ prowess. Although it does happen, it isn’t very often, so it is vital to make that first move.

The Approach

If you’re still using generic pickup lines, I have some magical love potions I’d like to sell you. By the way, neither pick up lines nor love potions work! In fact, pickup lines will hurt your chances; according to the spry young ladies, pickup lines are the most irritating tactics a guy can employ.

Things to take to the table are a smile, a sense of humor, and some confidence. A smile is important because no one wants to get to know a grouch. It imparts a sense of warmth, especially during those flirtatious glances from across the room.

Humor was surveyed as the number one aspect that girls look for in a guy. He doesn’t necessarily have to joke all the time, but, according to Elise Remeika, a third year Visual Media major, he should “be able to make fun of himself... There is something genuine and attractive in that.”

Confidence is essential. If you go up to a girl and give a vibe signifying that you’re uncomfortable or that you don’t know what you’re doing, she’ll pick up on that and it won’t work out for you. Elizabeth Quilter, a fourth year Interior Design major, offered, “If he comes up to me and thinks he’s the man, I’ll think he’s the man.”

Moreover, girls want to feel special when a guy asks them out, so be charming. Do something intriguing, albeit cliché. “Boys playing guitars,” for instance, sweep Tiffany Backhus, a fourth year Interior Design major, off her feet.

In addition, knowing something about her interests can provide you with a good icebreaker and help her become more active in the conversation. “If a guy wanted to ask me out because I do photography,” said Ysanya Perez, a third year Advertising Photography major, “it would get my attention if he asked me about my work.”

Try to keep the conversation easy for her. Talk about the usuals: Major, where you’re from, what you’re doing here, and so on.

Also, an old trick — girls, quit reading here — is to use her name in conversation. Generally, people respond most aptly to their names. This will grab her attention back into the conversation. Find a happy medium with this tactic, because using her name too often comes off as pretentious.

Where to Approach

Watch out for girls in a hurry or busy. Don’t approach a girl when she’s on her way to class or if she’s waitressing at a crowded restaurant. Bars and clubs are well fielded and usually not the best environment to start. Be spontaneous. Approach her in an unexpected place. Go up to her at the library and notice her reading the book you just read or want to read and go from there.

If the girl you want to talk to is in a group, be cautious; it’s really easy to make things awkward, so casually approach the whole group. Making sure not to disrupt their flow of conversation, offer some of your personal experience on the subject matter or something otherwise pertinent. For example, if they are talking about a professor you know, say something like, “Yeah, when I had that professor — don’t worry about it — there was a really huge curve at the end.” This can break the ice.

Keep yourself involved in the conversation but remember it is their discussion. If you keep it light and interesting, the awkwardness will soon dissipate. After you’ve chatted for a bit, you should be able to get her contact information. If nothing else, it will make interacting with her and her group easier in the future. This is a difficult task, considering that most of the girls I polled preferred to at least be acquaintances with their pursuer.

It’s even easier to merge as a group, your friends with hers; however, execution is critical. Be confident and let them know you have something to offer in conversation. Once in, you may sit proximate to the girl, but address all group members. In general, girls are more receptive if you talk to their friends as well.

The Dismount

Know when to quit. “Guys repeatedly asking me out or... pestering [me] are big turnoffs,” said Backhus. “If I say no, but I’m still interested, I’ll say ‘I’m free at this time.’ Other than that, the guy needs to back off.”

Otherwise, be attentive during the initial conversation and listen for something she likes to do. Ask her out right then or at least get her number. Even if you’re worried about rejection, ask anyway because it’s flattering. They won’t hate you for it if you do it in a unique way. If she tells you “no” at first because she’s dating someone, respond with something like, “Do you only meet new people when you’re single?” If nothing else, it will keep her talking a little longer. If she still says no, don’t press it; we learned earlier that girls hate that.

Finally, leave with confidence, shake each person’s hand in the group and recognize them by name. Be funny and let the way you say “bye” to her stand out from everyone else.

A Final Thought

Your best chance for success is to be confident, assertive, and direct. Don’t be afraid to be rejected every now and again — it happens to the best of us. Make sure you have a smile; smirking like you know something they don’t seems to work best. Learn where to ask and when it’s just not going to happen. If you can master the approach, closing the deal will become second nature.